


"Loud and Heavy."

by Blue_Nox



Series: Lady May [3]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Arthur is an idiot sometimes, Arthur is trying really hard, Arthur is worth so much more than he knows, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, May and Abigail do not always get along, Micah is still a damn snake, Mutual Pining, Non canon compliant, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, high honor arthur, just overall sexual frustration, look to the chapter notes for trigger warnings, low self self image/self esteem, they are both idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:55:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24965581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Nox/pseuds/Blue_Nox
Summary: Arthur Morgan is a man that has let several horrible things in his life harden him. It feels like it’s been one thing after another. May, who has been with the gang for almost as long as Arthur, tries not to let that happen. After years of pining over one another and life just not giving them the chance, maybe something can finally happen. Maybe they are both ready to take their friendship to the next level. It’s mostly going to be events that happen through May’s eyes. Arthur is still going to make journal entries throughout because I like writing those.
Relationships: Arthur Morgan/May James, Arthur Morgan/Original Female Character(s), John Marston/Abigail Roberts
Series: Lady May [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800985
Kudos: 16





	"Loud and Heavy."

**Author's Note:**

> We finally getting to the story.   
> It's gonna go back and forth a little in the chapters. Kinda like flashbacks but it will mostly be with Arthur's journal entries. I'll do my best to keep it in line as must as possible with the game itself but I can't make any promises. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own. Unbetaed. I'm not sure how much the tags will change but trigger warnings, ( there won't be many ) will be given in the notes before each new chapter. 
> 
> Abigail is jealous of May but let's face it, John isn't the outlaw she wants. xD

Long gone are the young features of the girl that she used to be. To still be as young as she was, wrinkles from worry and stress were forming more quickly then she would have liked. The red skinned Arabian protests her dislike of the extreme cold but May gives her a pat to the neck and she settles down a little. What happened in Blackwater never should have happened. 

Now, instead of moving south like the original plan, Dutch had pushed them north into this frozen and unforgiving land. She can see into the back of the wagon that holds the slowly dying body of Davey, Abigail and Swanson doing what they can to save him. John had to go with Micah, and Arthur; it feels like he’s been gone for hours. The coat that he’d bought her years ago is pulled tightly around her as the snow blows a little harder. 

May remembers asking him why she needed such a heavy thing. ‘You never know when you’re gonna need a good winter coat.’ Man, was he ever right. The wagons stop for a brief moment and May can swear she hears his yelling over the wind whistling by her ears. It doesn’t take them long after that that they come to an abandoned town. The weather and years had taken its toll on this mining town but for now, it did have a roof over some of the structures and protection from this damn snow. That’s what mattered. 

Scarlett makes her way to the front beside the wagon that Dutch had finally got out of. Eyes searching Arthur’s face but he nods softly to her. May wasn’t about to lie to herself and say that she wasn’t worried for him after what happened to Bo. His mental health was already stretched about as thin as it could go at the moment. Blackwater had been a mess, a goddamn sham if you asked her about it. Helping secure the wagons, those soft hued eyes watched as they packed Davey into one of the buildings. May hated watching someone die so she just couldn’t bring herself to go, instead helping calm the uneasy horses. 

“I’ll be back.” It was softly whispered against her ear before she turned in time to watch Arthur and Dutch ride off into the blowing snow and disappear. She says a little prayer to herself that he’ll come back safe, she always does. 

“Take him out into the snow until we can bury him,” Hosea’s soft words hit her as she walks into She guesses that this used to be the church even if it is missing a cross outside it has a certain peace to it. Bill and Javier pack the stretcher back outside as the wind blows snow through the open door. Little Jack is bundled up tightly in a blanket sitting on Tilly’s lap as a fire is built in the fireplace. This was probably a busy little town back in the day but harsh weather can drive anyone out. 

“This isn’t how we die.” She can hear Hosea talking behind her, hands outstretched in front of her as the fire starts to burn. This isn’t how they go out; the gang has been through so much that it’s made them such a strong family. One that May is forever thankful that she gets to be a part of.

Eventually, she wonders back outside. Scarlett digging at the frozen ground and just being overall uncomfortable. “I know, girl. We all are.” May fishes a carrot out of her bag before patting the mare on the neck. Her heart breaking for Bo, she loved that horse almost as much as Arthur did. Scarlett nudges her forehead against her chest. “I know you are gonna miss her too, my girl.” That’s when she hears them coming back. A sneer on her face in regards to Micah who always seems to come back no matter what. Arthur looks tired, weary in a way that worries her. 

“Can someone help this poor woman down.” Mrs. Grimshaw is already scattering with another blanket to wrap around the woman that slides from the back of The Count. Dutch whispering softly to the older woman before Molly scurries toward him. “Now, I haven’t slept for three days.” Sometimes, she feels sorry for Molly. May has no doubt that some part of Dutch doesn’t care for her but ever since losing Annabelle, he just hasn’t been the same. None of them really have. 

She suddenly becomes blindly aware of how hungry she is. A small wrinkle of her nose as she listens to Micah complain about his bunk mates. There’s always been something about him that she doesn’t trust, one being that he seems unnaturally jealous of Arthur. He’s been with Dutch for nearly 20 years, what is there to explain but that doesn’t seem to stop him from trying to one up the man. If it had been up to May, she would have left him in that ditch where they found him. Dutch and his soft spot for hopeless cases. 

Quietly, she makes her way into the building that the three men share. There’s already soft noises coming from Dutch and Hosea’s room. She takes a moment to put another log on their fire just to be on the safe side. The rooms are dark, except for Arthur’s and she was expecting that. The man rarely sleeps even on a good day. They are getting older, there’s no denying that. 

“Hey, cowboy.” Her voice is soft as she stands in the door but he doesn’t look up from the floor. Elbows on his knees with his hands clasped together and she knows that stance. Something has made him remember something that he just doesn’t want too. 

“Arthur.”

“Her name is Sadie,” his tone is quiet as he speaks. “They had her locked in the cellar of her own goddamn home. Killed her man. If’n it weren’t for Micah, she’d still have a home.” He lets out a long sigh before rubbing a hand down his face. 

“Who was it?”

“Some of the O'Driscoll Boys'.” 

May moves to sit beside him on the worn cot, surprised when it doesn’t break through with both their weights on it. “Is she gonna be okay?” 

“She’s damn well scared.” Arthur looks back at the floor. “Well, I can’t really say if she was scared or not but you can tell how well she cared for the fellow they killed.” There’s a sadness in his voice, one that May picks up on. 

“What I don’t understand, what are they O’Driscoll’s doing up here? We haven’t seen them for months and now this.” 

“Oh, I’m sure that knowing Dutch, he’ll find out.” Her hands move slowly, like he’s a wounded animal backed into a corner and removes the worn black hat from his head. He doesn’t stop her, only moves to rest his head in his hands. They’ve all been through hell the past couple of weeks and May understands how much Arthur truly takes onto himself. He’s always been that way. First born son of Dutch. “How are you holding up?” Her voice is gentle, fingers softly running through the hair on the back of his neck. 

“I’m holding,” his voice cracks a little as he clears it. 

There’s Davey’s name stretched with a cross at the top of the page. _So it’s this little frozen town where we’re hold up now. It’s so damn cold I can see why the people that used to live here abandoned it._ He looks over at May curled up on the cot. Having someone to sleep beside really did help keep the chill off. It’s a soft stretch of her sleeping that’s drawn on the other side of the page. ‘She’s so beautiful’ written underneath it. _We lost Davie, Mac, Jenny and Sean. This is a goddamn mess. So many good people lost to this madness, and now John’s up and disappeared. If he’s up and run off again, I’m gonna shoot him right between the eyes._ That’s a wound that’s never fully healed for him. _At times, I wonder what I’ve done to have someone like May in my life. She’s never judged me for my faults or my feelings, lack thereof sometimes and she always listens to me, no matter how stupid it sounds._

The page is flipped, a stretch of Bo taking up most of the page. “I’m gonna miss you, my girl.” That tugs at his heart a little, a small tear running down his cheek as he sniffs and wipes it away. The journal is closed and he fights with himself as to whether to lay back down or get up. The lantern burned low in the room to give off a little bit of heat. It’s still dark outside, the wind whistling against the building causing the wood to grumble against it. The latter wins out, arms crossed against his chest as he lays back on the cot, facing her. 

Arthur can feel the heat radiating off her back as he closes his eyes and breaths in. She’s always been there. A thick swallow and he allows himself to feel so many emotions. Doesn’t even feel her turn and wrap her arms around him but he does feel her hair tickle his chin as his arms unfold and May rests her head against his covered chest. _I’ve loved her for so long…_ But Arthur Morgan is a fool. He’s never said anything to the contrary about himself. That’s when his own arms tangle with a warm body, his life line in a world of sin. May holds him through his whispered ‘sorrys.” She understands who they are for and will forever be there to hold him. 

‘You aren’t weak for showing feelings, Arthur. You are one of the strongest men I know because you allow yourself to feel.’ 

Seeing your breath when you wake up wasn’t something that she was used to. Blackwater had one of the most mild climates she’d known. A shiver and she rose, booted feet on the old wooden floor. “Hi, Molly,” she smiled softly as she walked from the room. The fiery redhead is the only one in the building. “He went to look for John,” her accent coming out with each word. “Dutch and Hosea went to check on everyone.” May sits down beside her, letting the small fire warm her bones. “I think deep down he loves ya too.” They don’t look at one another. “You look at Arthur the way that I wish Dutch would look at me. I know that he loves me but I’m not here.” There’s a part of May that feels sorry for her but at the same time, she’s jealous of her too. 

They sit like that for a while, merely silent and enjoying each other's company. May had been one of the only other people besides Arthur that didn’t treat Molly like some disease. It might have been true that Molly brought some of that on herself, never helping with the work, but when you’re Dutch’s girl you kinda don’t have too. Some of the girls never got to meet Annabelle. She and Molly were like night and day that much anyone could tell. 

“They found John!” 

The scream seems to bolt both of them. Molly stayed, May ran out of the building and watched as the crowd gathered around Arthur and Javier’s horses. She couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose, walking closer as she listened to Abigail. In a way she understood, in a way she didn’t. How can you talk about the man you are supposed to love in such a fashion? They all knew John was an idiot. Hell, even John knew he was an idiot but that didn’t mean he wanted to be reminded of the fact. Her and Arthur shared a look, a small smile between them before Pearson grabbed his attention. No rest for the wicked. 

They were all tired, hungry and cold; getting on one another’s nerves because of it. 

“Hey, little brother.” Once Abigail felt that she had ragged on John enough, May sat down in the chair beside his cot. Fever and a fit full rest had taken over Marson and she felt sorry for him. Half his face wrapped in worn bandages along with the arm that was grazed in Blackwater. She left her hand rest gently on his forehead feeling his burning skin. “You’re gonna make it, John. We can’t lose you too.” His head lolled to the side and he mumbled something that she couldn’t make out. This old church held so much weight in it at the moment. Soft cries from the Alder woman they had rescued, the soft words of Swanson as he read from his bible, everyone else just trying to recover from what happened. It just felt like it was too much. 

May rose, leaning over to give John’s sweat covered brow a kiss when she spied Abigail; arms crossed and a glare of death on her face. One day, she’d have to have a talk with that woman but not today. 

“Bunch of damn fools,” it’s a grumble that she is well familiar with as she walks out of the old church. He’s standing by his new horse, the sun finally out but it doesn’t hold any warmth to it. 

“Did you catch something?” 

Just a nod, nothing more. As intimidating as Arthur Morgan can be; silent and bullheaded, he is one of the most gentle people when it comes to animals. “Penny for your thoughts?” 

“Nah. Can’t think that deep,” but there’s a smile that crosses his lips. It doesn’t hide the sadness in those eyes though. He sighs, “Just thinkin’ ‘bout things. How we got into this mess.” The horse knickers softly, the brush going over his coat. 

“He’s strong,” her hand brushes gently over the front shoulder of the new horse as it turns it’s head, sniffing her hair. She chuckles softly causing Arthur to look at her. Even with the shadow that the hat causes, she can see the curious nature of them. “He ain’t Bo.”   
Moving to stand beside him, the snow crunching under her boots. “Art, nothing is ever going to be able to replace Bo.” He doesn’t answer, her hand moving to rest on his arm as she presses against him gently. If it weren’t for her, Arthur Morgan would lose his mind. “But you have to give him a chance. And if you decide that you don’t like him, you can always tame you one when we get out of here.” 

“Yeah. I reckon I could.” 

Another small squeeze to his arm before she turns and walks away. The heart wants what the heart wants. The thirst for one will not go anyway until one can drink. Oh, what a fool she was. 

“Well, hello there, cowpoke.” And that’s when she froze. All she really wanted to do was pee and now she had to deal with a different kind of idiot. “Hello, Micah.” 

She hadn’t even heard him following her up the same trail to where the outhouse was, even if it were falling apart, it was better than nothing. “What’s a pretty little thing like you doing so far from camp?” 

“Nature called,” May knew his type better than most. Micah was a cunning snake of a man and how Dutch could see past that was beyond her. 

There was a chuckle from his lips that made her skin crawl, feeling as one of his dirty fingers ran down her cheek. “Touch me again and I will gut you, Bell.” That caused him to laugh. She had a feeling that after this, she would want to bath in that cold ass creek water. 

“Just playing, sweetheart. What you see in that dusty Arthur Morgan I will never understand.”

“You’re right, you won’t.” A growl and his hand was around her throat. May merely stared at him. It wasn’t that she wasn’t afraid but she knew better than to show him that. “One day… one day.” Micah moved forward and she felt his tongue lick up the same cheek as his finger before he was gone. May would never understand why he had latched onto her in such a fashion. Creepy little man that he was and she rubbed at her cheek, completely forgetting that she had to pee in the first place.

*

“I have a plan.”

“You always have a plan, Dutch but is it a plan to get us off this godforsaken mountain.” 

Dutch and Hosea were always good for a laugh. Days after they had come back from the O'Driscoll camp with a map and apparently, a plan. Hosea was always there to call him out on his bullshit, even more so when the lives of the gang were concerned. May was sitting crosslegged on the cot in Arthur’s room, listening to them. They needed to get off this mountain and somehow, that involved robbing a train. Arthur himself had been gone helping some of the others with finding more food. The two deer he’d gotten with Charles just didn’t seem to be enough to help with hungry bellies. “We need money, Hosea. Money to help us once we get off this mountain.” May could feel the scowl on the older man’s face through the walls.

“Cornwall isn’t someone we should play around with, Dutch.” 

“He’s rich. He won’t miss it.” 

“That’s where you're wrong.” 

“I’m never wrong, old friend.” There’s a scoff from the older man before the door opens and closes. “Arthur. Tomorrow. Be ready.” The spurs stop for a moment. 

“Ready for what?” 

“We are robbing a train!” 

May couldn’t help but chuckle. She could just see the look on Arthur’s face before the three men began to talk at the same time. Fruitless, men acting like nothing but peacocks. May understood what Dutch meant but she just felt like it was the wrong time. Having mostly been under Hosea’s wing and Arthur under Dutch’s. A groan from Arthur and he makes his way to the little room. “He’s crazy,” it’s mumbled under his breath before he sits on the cot. 

“I found you something.” May arches a brow at his words before he brings a salted beef from his pocket. She hadn’t been eating much due to not having enough to go around and she couldn’t help the grabby hands. Salted beef had never tasted so good, ripping off a piece and giving it to Arthur. 

Half a bottle of stolen gin later, and they were both on the cot, staring at the ceiling. Arthur gingerly smoking a cigarette as May yawned. “You think robbin’ this train is a good call?”

“Not really. I think we got more important things to worry about but Dutch says we need the money.” 

“Dutch always says we need money.” May rose up on her elbows. “Arthur, no matter what seems to be goin on, you always seem to have an ability to bring the camp what it needs. How is robbin’ a train gonna help?” 

He arches a brow, looking at her. His hat long since forgotten on the table. “Don’t know. Depends on what’s on it. Colm seemed to think it was a good score.” 

“You think that’s one of the main reasons for it because of Colm?” 

“It’s possible. Bad blood and all between them.” 

The cigarette is snuffed off the floor as he rolls back over. Arthur Morgan with his guard down was such a thing. Those handsome eyes and facial features. He’s strong jawline. May can’t help herself as she reaches over, letting her fingers run through his sandy blonde hair, so much softer than it looks and he’s been letting it grow out. May watches his face, his eyes closing and for once, he looks so peaceful. God, it wouldn’t take much. 

His own hand moves, trailing gently up her arm before his large hand covers her own. “We can’t be doing this, my lady May.” His voice sounds so sad with those words. When he opens his eyes, she pretends to already have fallen asleep. It’s just easier for her to cope that way. 

_I’m a damn fool. How many years have I wasted that could have been given to her. I do not regret my time with Eliza because she gave me a wonderful son. I do regret the time and energy that was spent chasing after Mary. But she’s like a sister to me. But at the same time, I want to have what she can give me but I am a fool. Too afraid to let anyone that close to me again and too scared that someone would use her to get to me._ He’s sitting propped up against the wall, eyes moving to watch her sleep every so often. _She’s too good for someone like me and at the same time, I’m too selfish to let someone else have her. The nights that I’ve spent thinking about what her lips feel like, what they taste like._ He sighs a little. _I’m too old for this shit._

The journal is closed, placed back in his stachel and he moves to lay on his side, looking at her. He moves a strand of hair from her face and sighs softly, closing his eyes. Tomorrow, they have a train but tonight, he has his dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
> 
> Feedback is always welcome. ^_^


End file.
